Stock up on these low-selling, yet priceless gems before they’re gone for good.
Office Microwave
Capturing the unique aroma of a never-cleaned, office microwave splattered and seasoned with years of overheated lunches, snacks, and beverages. Experience a different scent for each lighting: burned popcorn, salmon, chili, onion soup, and more.
Stogie
The experience of a two-hour drive in the station wagon with Uncle Sal as he chain smokes cigars with all the windows rolled up, resonates powerfully in this suffocating fragrance. Contains our secret smoke-producing additive that sends it in your direction no matter where you are.
Stolen Hotel Towels
A fresh scent of white, embroidered towels swiped straight from the maid’s cart and still warm from the dryer.
Frat Party
Party on! …with the scent of potato chips and pretzels ground into a carpet, spilled beer, cigarette smoke, and a hint of cheap perfume…oh, those college memories!
Unscented
The simple smell of melting wax stirs up pleasant memories of a time when candles were candles and not overpriced, colorful jars of ridiculous fragrances.
Electrical Fire
Let the smell of burning wires frighten your guests into a frantic search for a non-existent electrical fire. Not responsible for false 911 calls.
Old Car
A special blend of musty floor mats, burning anti-freeze, and the decomposition of snacks the kids dropped under the seats that you could never seem to find, transports you back to your old clunker now sitting in the junkyard. Comes with dashboard suction cup mount.
Skunk
The noxious odor of skunk spray tells everyone who visits your home they’re not welcome. Great for uninvited guests and freeloaders. Light it up and they’ll be gone faster than you can say “Pepe Le Pew.” Buy one and get half off of our new Tomato Juice candle.
Dollar Bills
A fragrance of newly-minted, clean, unwrinkled dollar bills makes you regret blowing twenty of them on a stupid candle.
Exchange Student
Fresh off the boat, unfamiliar with American hygiene, and living in your house for a semester. With this unusual blend, you’ll never forget him, or his pet goat.
Polish Sausage
The overpowering aroma of homemade kielbasa that’s incapable of being contained by any storage vessel known to man from permeating an entire house. Goes great with our Sauerkraut candle.
Dog Bath
The perfect blend of wet dog and flea shampoo. As a special bonus, a heat-triggered reactant causes a violent eruption of infused soapy water. Towel not included.
Superstorm Sandy
The storm of the century captured with the stench of wet cardboard, mildew, and a large governor wrapped in damp fleece. Extra long-lasting, burns for years during the wait for your government relief money. Keeps your house smelling “stronger than the storm.”
